oxen free 2

I feel a little alien when people sneer at "that hippy love shit."  Of course I am trying to tune in to what is good!  Of course I want to unlearn patterns that hurt me or other people and of course I want to learn to be a force for peace.  What else should I do with this life?  Gather an Ikea Gallery of a home?  Collect all things Apple and have more facebook friends?  What on earth would I live my life for but to cultivate this "hippy love shit?"  I don't care if it's hip, but, I must admit, it's lonely when you frown.


I wish I could cover our cynicism with glue and glitter.
 I wish I could plant a magnolia in our resignation.  
I feel the pull of the quick-fix-or-forget-it,
but then I can't forget it.
It calls me like a dirty-knee child,
can't you hear it?

Olly Olly Oxen Free.  Come out, come out wherever you are.

oxen free

blessed are the peace makers

your light shines me brighter

your fire burns me hotter

your love calls mine

"olly olly oxen free! come out come out wherever you are!"

What's YOUR voice say?

How many disclaimers does it take to get a girl to talk?  How much fear does she have to sift through?  When does she stop apologizing?

My morning's fresh facebook meme was from Arundhati Roy.  "There’s really no such thing as the ‘voiceless.’ There are only the deliberately silenced, or the preferably unheard."

These days I have very little patience for those who are unwilling to look at their position of privilege.   Nothing sparks my Kali tongue like an older white, middle class man telling me what's "best" for me.  Even if he "means well."  While I do appreciate that in I've learned to keep my mouth closed while my heart and tongue burn, I have to wonder if that's really "best."  It certainly works for the old white dudes when I stay quiet.  I do believe in peace and kindness, but I do not believe that restraint is always the best response to anger.  Especially when it comes to oppression.

That being said, I can't help but note that I am white.  Also, I'm young, healthy, decent looking, have tended toward romantic partners of the opposite sex, and was raised Catholic (which is not as proper American as being Protestant, but still more Christian and "acceptable" than all of the other options.)  When I get  down and out, I get a LOT of support.  Of course, a trust fund or an Ivy League legacy would be super helpful, but I work with what I got- plenty of friends and strangers who are willing to lend a hand. Would I get so much help if I weren't a young, thin, white chic with a Christian upbringing and a boyfriend?

Or, the flip side.  What if I wasn't raised in a working class community by a working class family?  What if I weren't poor most of my life? What if I weren't brought up by Catholic parents, with swarms of cousins around me at all times.  What if I were brought up wealthy and Protestant? Would I have learned be so damn loud about what I need?  Or would I be stuck in a Protestant straight jacket, stifled by the cultural heritage of status quo?

If you are not asking what life would be like if you were not you, for heaven's sake please start.  For a better world, start! 

Actually perhaps the question isn't "What would it be like if I weren't me?"  No, actually, the question is "What's it like to be you?"

It's excruciating!   I am SO afraid of hurting someone by bumping into their pain.  So, for fear of making things worse, under the spell of age-old guilt, how many times have I just stepped around and over and completely ignored someone else's pain?  Or, oh, I hate to even say it; what if I have been hurting you without knowing it.  What if I've been ignorant?

Seeing as we've made room in our culture for the idea that every sinner is a saint, perhaps we can all admit our ignorance.  I'd love to hear more people say "I can be an ignorant, fucking privileged asshole.  Help."  And then, "What's it like to be you?"

Here.  I'll start. 

"Hi.  I'm Diane.  I want to be a real writer, and I want to be a real peace-maker, but holy fuck I'm scared.  I can be an ignorant, privileged asshole!  And I've been super hurt by ignorant, privileged assholes.  So I get real quiet sometimes.  Other times I make a whole lot of useless noise to cover up all the fear and anger.  But really, I just need help with this.  What do you think?  What's it like to be you?"

What will it take, you think, before we ALL feel free to tell our truth? 

What the hell is Truth if it isn't free for us all?