That's because I've been hurt, and so I can recall the experience of being in pain. I'm not looking for pain, so I'm not going to touch it.
It's a silent, gentle laughter. A jolly nature. A soul's whisper. A simple acknowledgement, "yes."
If I had never ever been hurt, and therefor had no memory reference for the experience of pain, well, I'd probably touch it. Why not?
Learning is non-linear. I hope to remember that. It allows so much grace.
I haven't written in a while. I've been seeking humility (and I do get so distracted!). It's a non-linear lesson. Is there any room for humility in the blog world?
We shall see.
I went to Walden Pond Monday. I was walking around the pond with a new friend, enjoying the peace. Then just as I was about to open up my mouth, a gentle, silent, laugh stopped me. "Not everything is to be shared." I spend so much time trying to find peace from the words-words-words, and I was about to dump the chatter that I seek to free myself from into the ears of a man who seemed very peaceful. Instead I found the gentle, silent laugh that devoured the need to speak, ate the words out of my throat. The loving editor intervened. Peace retained...silence...clear water...sparkling....now.
The funny thing about this blogging business is that since I've started writing and posting, I've become very conscious of how much bullshit comes out of my head and out of my mouth or onto the page. So much chatter, and none of it real. I've written about 50 unpublished blogs, and I've purposely shut myself up here and there for the first time in, oh, maybe, ever. I am praying, walking, riding my bike past the buds turning to flowers right before my eyes, and asking the loving editor to remain, to help a sister out. I may be her most difficult case, but i do believe she loves me and is going to stick around.
It's a silent, gentle laughter. A jolly nature. A soul's whisper. A simple acknowledgement, "yes."
loved this blog diane! it pretty much sums up my dissatisfaction with facebook, and blogs, and other social networking monstrosities.
ReplyDeletefor god's sake! turn off your computer! get out of your house! talk with live people! plant a live garden! when these thoughts yell loudly enough i usually listen, especially after i catch myself thinking in terms of facebook posts. ... and yet, still, regardless of that very frightening occurrence, here i am ... irony has never been lost on me ...
One of my favorite moments as being "me" was when I got laryngitis. For once, there was silence. I hadn't realized the importance of that silence until laryngitis removed my capability to respond to others. I rather enjoyed being relieved of this responsibility. I could, instead, just listen. My thoughts became a lot clearer and focused, when I could take on the position of the observer.
ReplyDeleteI grew up as the last of a slew of children; there was little air space for me to speak and it was actually luxurious. I took in everything around me and processed it in my own little internal world, without the interruptions of having to constantly speak and respond to others; and in the silent world I often lived, the skewing, distorted words that came out of my mouth, configured to appease my audience, was limited. Communication, with its hidden agenda, can sometimes distance oneself from oneself. How often do you find yourself in a debate about something you kind of don't even really care about or telling someone something you don't really mean, in all actuality, rather just what they wanted to hear.
Not that I don't love the flip side of all communication can offer. Sometimes, we don't discover a truth about ourselves until we hear it come out as our words/actions to someone else. It is a fine balance. However, I do love your openness; I hope your editor isn't to strict. ; )
Love,
pammy