reasons

"Everything happens for a reason."

You've heard this before.

I usually respond to this comment with,

"No, everything does not happen for a reason. People just say that to try to justify the shitty things that happen in their shitty lives."

Then this happened.

(Forgive the blury image, that's my right middle finger that's as blue as my jeans)

This happened for a reason. I was not paying attention to what I was doing, and I slammed my finger into the sliding closet door. The reason for my blue finger nail is my lack of mindfulness at that precise moment.

Yes. It hurt. I was nauseous and a little bit faint. Finger nails are weird like that. Your whole body responds to the pain. You probably already know about finger nails and torture...

I've had another response, recently, to "Everything happens for a reason." This response is for those people who want the reason to be in the future as opposed to the past. It is,

"You make up the reason."

So I have this blue fingernail, and it hurts. Today I was actually making a point to be mindful. Yesterday I was remarkably stressed out by many of lives circumstances, and found myself a blubbering fool. I woke up this morning and thought "Today I will be calm. Today I will do whatever I need to do to have peace." I began the day by meditating. I haven't meditated upon waking in many many years.

During one of the very few moments that I was not "mindful" today, I slammed my finger in a sliding door. Not all of the causes to their effects are so easily and immediately identified.

So I have this blue finger nail, on my right hand. It will probably be there a while. I can make up a really good reason for it. It's a reminder, right there on my prominent hand, to be mindful.

To pay attention.

To be vigilant.

I've been running from me for quite some time... It's a habit. To break a habit requires vigilance and attention.

And here's a nice little reminder, all bright and blue on my right hand.

The only place I want to run is "home", to exactly where I belong.

Really, I don't even need to run there. I'm here. Right now. Hello.